In the N Y Times April 19, 2005 and the Portland Oregonian of the same date was published an article by Susan Gilbert depicting the dismal national results of the field of psychotherapeutic counseling called Marriage Therapy.
It is in response to that sad report that I’d like to offer this.
Healing Couples – The Ancient Way
Sanskrit is one of the oldest languages in existence. It is the language of the Vedas which are the oldest ancient Indian scriptures known to man in which any and all possible human circumstances are depicted in full glory and detail for all to read and know. It is the root of most of the languages currently spoken in India and related countries. It is also the language of the Bhagavad Gita, Yoga and Ayurveda, the 5,000 year old Indian traditions of Natural Love, Health, Medicine, and Longevity.
These ancient teachings are quite unanimous in advocating a discipline known as Self-Realization for personal health, self understanding, sanity and relationship building. Self Realization is the source and goal of Yoga, Zen, T’ai Chi Chuan, Chi Gong, and most of the oriental arts and disciplines, martial and otherwise. It is sometimes referred to as God-Realization, or just plain realization, and in this vein, along with self-development, is the point and purpose of most religions and spiritual paths.
Stated simply, the teachings say that if self-realization is the goal and joy of individuals (which it is whether we realize it or not), then the relationships (whatever they may be) of these individual will thrive, simply because the participants will be, in a genuine way, wanting for their fellows what they have and want for themselves, and therefore mutually supportive instead of mutually destructive.
Now this might bring up the question - What is Self-Realization, and - Why would I want it above all the other things I want in life, and - How will that actually help me to get what I want out of life, including genuine satisfaction in a marital relationship?
In answering those questions and any more you might have I’d like simply to say:
This is How Relationship Works, not how it doesn't work!
We are offering regular evening and weekend workshops and phone sessions on the Principles of Self-Realization in Relationship called “Finding True Love - The Dynamic Principles of Dependence, Codependence and Independence in Relationship”. Your participation is welcome and fees are by contribution.
Sufi Teacher and life-long student of natural health and ancient culture Ali Ansari is offering his views on the increasing problem of marriages going Sour and the devastating consequences on the partners, their children and society in general, and what can really be done about it.
It’s not difficult, it’s simply a matter of re-orienting our personal lives from desire to reality. This particular approach to this and many other health and psychology problems, is called “Reality Therapy”.
Not a widely advertised healer, Ansari has kept to himself most of his life, preferring the intimacy of a few friends of various spiritual persuasions to the broader fame attained by most degreed therapists and published authors. “Nevertheless”, he says, ”the principles are the same whether practiced and taught by the humble Hindu Vedic, Famous Gurus and Spiritual Masters, or the ordinary citizen who just learned about it. Once you know, you know!”
Quoting many of the contemporary teachers as well as ancient masters, he is saying that the principle is the same. As Byron Katie says on her website www.thework.com, “When you argue with reality, you lose. But only 100% of the time.”
Having been a grass roots holistic health educator since the early sixties, Ansari claims to be a voice for the troubled boomer generation, hoping to introduce the principles of physical, emotional and spiritual stability and understanding into this largest of all political demographics. His bio and personal work can be found on the web at www.surrenderworks.com.
Understanding Soul Mates
Soul Mates are two or more people whose souls have actually met and who enjoy more that anything the reflections of their own souls found in the reflection of their friend’s or partner’s. Often misrepresented, soul mates is confused and idealized by the dependent ego searching for a reflection of the need in another’s willingness to support and gratify it. This form of relationship is recognized by the experienced as the mutual gratification, support and enabling of codependence, and not the true soul mate experience. In order for the true soul mate experience to be experienced, one must be firmly dedicated to the reality of one’s own true soul, and be able to distinguish between the genuine and the artificial experience. This ability to distinguish, this perception called discernment can be acquired from those who have it, for they are ever so willing and eager to pass it on. Why is this you might ask? It’s simply because, once discovered, this quality of true discernment leading to the incredibly blissful experience of one’s true soul, is recognized to be the exact missing ingredient to the completion of the spiritual quest, the gratification of which result in the ending of all problems and the salvation of the world.
It is the self same experience and true knowing that is mentioned so highly by the Buddhas and bodhisattvas and is not so far away that it might take years to get there. Indeed it can be recognized in the blink of an eye while sitting in the presence of one who is in it and assisting others to recognize it.
Soul mate is a choosing, as relationship is a choice. If it is not a choice it is a compulsion. And if it is a compulsion, then that means that there are underlying and probably unrecognized (subconscious) drives motivating the relationship. If the partners are dedicated to self-realization as opposed to desire fulfillment, they will launch the process of uncovering and revealing these hidden motivations at all costs, rather that devote themselves and their energies to keeping them hidden ad secret out of some fears and motivations of shame or guilt. All these covering motivations will be cleansed and the real issues will be revealed and made of easy access, for in the process of self realization the end goal of purity happiness and innocence is mad foremost, rather than the goal of hiding shame and guilt.
Where most modern therapy goes wrong is simply that it does not explore deeply enough into the primal motivations of the human soul. Setting individual onto this path of exploration becomes pleasurable beyond all imagination and quite addictive. The simple truth is that it is not about conflict resolution as much as conflict dissolution. The old adage that the family that prays together stays together is in the case of self realization, quite true. It’s not to say that conflicts of interest won’t arise. Of course they will, but they will not be fearfully avoided because it will have been plainly recognized that the tools for resolution are at hand and even fun to use.
Recognizing relationship as a process of freedom rather than bondage helps a great deal.
Whereas the scary parts of relationship are usually avoided in hopes that they will somehow go away, a couple primarily dedicated to self-realization will look forward to discovering the ‘ties that bind’ and working through them toward their individual liberation. Having experienced the feeling of emotional and spiritual liberation even once is enough to set the lucky couple on the road to freedom through relationship.
How Relationship Works
Conscious, Subconscious and Unconscious
Description of conventional relationship and conditional love
Conscious and Subconscious
Most relationships are built upon the mutual compatibilities of the personal mixture of conscious and subconscious.
Unconscious and Unconditional Love
Self Realization is based upon the conscious recognition of the unconscious, which is the sources and recipient of unconditional love.
The Importance of Getting in Touch with the Unconscious
Exploring the Subconscious
Behind emotions there is nothing
Consciously, we can only know what we’re conscious of, and that there is consciousness, and that it is beyond material, or Divine. And by knowing what we’re conscious of, we objectify it and in a sense, anything that we can objectify is “not” God. Our attention to it is dependent upon its condition of “being”. So it fall into the category of ‘conditional”.