Relationship: The Process of Disentanglement
Relationship is entanglement. It is extremely uncomfortable and often leads to personal and social ruin.
Wouldn't it be wonderful if that were not true - if the true function of relationship were actually recognized to be a process of disentanglement and based upon the seeking, discovering, enhancing and magnifying of one's own personal freedom and autonomy rather than on one's "need" for a "deeper" entanglement?
We find ourselves entangled daily - emotionally involved in every issue of daily life. It's quite fatiguing, disempowering and burdening. No wonder we get tired of living and do everything we can to hasten an early demise.
But if we do not know what true freedom is, if we have never tasted it and have no idea that it exists, if we do not know about it, can't see it and have never tasted it, our lives seem doomed to one deepening and more maddening entanglement after another.
How much more freely could we conduct our business and the management of our personal and social lives if we knew that it was based on the process of disentanglement rather than on the process of deepening entanglement?
But do we know that? And if not, how do we prove it and then learn it? And is it hard, and will it take a long time, and will it cost me an arm and a leg, and will I get discouraged in the middle of it and toss it down to yet another failure?
The dance of entanglement is based upon the mutual recognition and acceptance of emotional slavery. This mutual recognition becomes a relationship when two people see or feel something they desire in each other, usually business or sex. The agreement is already in place to interact according to the "rules" of emotional contact that both innately understand.
What for the most part is not understood is that the true basis of relationship is freedom. Desire wants to be satisfied because it wants to go away. If we are needy of someone who is not needy of us, we will create ourselves anew to be needed and we will do everything we can to create the need for us that we feel for another so that he/she will feel it too. This will include making ourselves sick to be given the attention we feel we need, and committing crime to be thrown in jail or hospital because we feel we need or deserve to be taken care of.
But what is not understood is that it's all a dance. We believe that we're looking for something that we need, and we're often quite certain that we know what we need (doctor, dentist, medicine, insurance, lover, money, new car, etc.) and therefore know what we're looking for even though we do not know in reality what we're looking for because if we really knew what we're looking for we would no longer be looking.