On Pain - and Self-Interest - 05/10/01

I'd like you to be considering the possibility that the pains we suffer, which we like to refer to (outside of ourselves) as illnesses, fall under the same definition into which I am placing the "shadow" and "sub-conscious"  elements - expressions of Soul - "judged" to be other than what they are - attempts to focus attention on Self. 

If it is true that Self-responsibility is knowing that to know that I have created my own destiny is my ultimate destiny, then how can we look at illnesses, which first manifest as pain, without seeing them as self-created. And if self-created, why?

At what point will we give up our "self-interest", whether it be in the name of religion, spiritual quest, pride, humility, servitude to God, service to others, service to self interest, fascination, habit, compulsion, fixation, obsession. Self-interest is deeply vested. Deeply in need of completion, endlessly in search of closure, finalization. Always trying to annihilate itself. So we follow it for our whole lives and when confronted with truth, adamantly insist that "this is it - for me". But meanwhile, the pain goes on, and we learn to "live with it", and consider ourselves "humble" to sacrifice our health for a cause so noble as the one we have chosen to pursue. But is it not really pride? 

Self-interest is selfish. Our Souls are being denied at all times. We Are running from ourselves and it is the only thing that we are running from. It is not selfish to be following our internal loves and guidance. It is rather the epitome of selflessness to surrender to our divine nature and only in selflessness can it truly be. 

Self-interest is selfish. And everybody's doing it, and all for the "worthiest" of causes. Everybody ascribes illness, pain, and the responsibility for all of it elsewhere, "Not me". But nobody wants to take responsibility for creating it. Nobody wants to focus attention on the messages of Self. There are so many negative things to be said against it that it has become a universally accepted belief that Self (labeled selfishness) is bad. But the only selfishness that is bad is the selfishness of self-interest that insists on perpetuating the deliberate ignorance of the Soul and its messages in the form of pain (judged "caused"), conscience (judged "inconsequential"), "sub-conscious urges" (judged impedances), and "shadow" (judged "negative") impulses. 

Nobody takes responsibility for creating it. "Why in heaven's name would we be doing that?" they say. "Exactly the right question," say I. But we are. We are creating every moment of our life with the choices we make at every moment. There is never a moment when we are not choosing. We choose to breathe or to hold our breath. We choose to spend a minute or a dollar, right now, or not. To go out or stay in, to do or not to do. Every moment is a choice. To study and learn new things or to "veg" and "tube" or play with the kids or work, or worry, or what? And what? And what? 

We choose to believe or not to believe. That applies to this very theme. Do you believe it, or not? It's a choice. Do we choose to listen to our pain? Do we choose to "give it voice", so to speak, and "listen to what it has to tell us?" Or not?  IT IS OUR CHOICE! HOW NOW CAN WE DENY THAT WE ARE CREATING OF EVERY MOMENT IN OUR LIFE? 

And the point of freeing our movement is to expand awareness of possibilities through experience. Why then, when we experience pain, do we choose to be so proud and "self-sacrificing" that we choose "pain-killers" to self-examination? Simply because of our belief structures. We "believe" it is so. We believe that acceptance of one thing requires rejection of the "other". But true acceptance of Allah is acceptance of All! Ah! There is no "either/or". There is only all acceptance. Both, if you will. 

Now as I read again the article I wrote a couple of months ago, (below) it's beginning to make even more sense.